Letters For the Silenced
by AudibleHush
Summary: ON HIATUS. “What do you do when you’re standing on a precipice with nowhere to go but down? If I fall, if I surrender myself to the rain, the chill, the night… who will catch me?” SetoTéa
1. Default Chapter

**Author's note:** _(May 25/05) _I've just started the revisions on this story. Not too much has actually changed, I'm just "tweaking"

Disclaimer: Not mine. End of story.

**Chapter 1**

……………

_The world is so scary when observed through a window of tears. Distorted images beckon you, disturbingly recognizable like manipulated photographs. Pieces of your life stretched out, blurred, and pooled together in an alternate universe. You know where you are, you've been here before, but nothing looks familiar._

_Maybe that's why I can't find you._

_I reach, I call out, I fall… I meet the cold, unforgiving ground that offers no relief, no answers. _

_Where is my safety net? How can protection slip out of one's grasp so quietly? Subtle, it just silently vanishes while I am otherwise diverted. It leaves, you leave me nothing but the sullen ground with which I become transfixed, riveted, staring at the soil that will someday become my grave. No redemption, no forgiveness…_

_You can't be gone, not forever. _

_Forever is a long time…_

……………

Morning came slowly.

It was funny, Téa thought, how under normal circumstances it always seemed to arrive so suddenly. Obnoxiously loud alarm clocks rudely tearing blissful slumber away while she groped for the 'sleep' button.

But the world looked completely different when she was awake, watching the sunrise move at a snail's pace, chasing shadows with no real sense of urgency. It was taking _way _too long. There was too much to dwell on in the hours before dawn.

Each day was full distractions and busywork; college, and dancing, and people. But night held the quiet moments of dark solitude where everything she'd lost crept up on her like a stealth predator. When she couldn't close her eyes without seeing brilliant violet staring back at her, haunted and beseeching.

Her body, overworked, tired, running on empty, kept conscious by her grieving mind.

Téa had never been an insomniac. Always filled with energy and vitality, she plunged headfirst into every new day and fell gratefully into her bed each night. But then, those were happier times, when her laughter and smiles were still sincere.

Loss of sleep – a natural symptom of grief according to the pamphlets her aunt had taken to sending her since the funeral. Of course, that was just one of the many types of behaviors those in her position displayed.

Joey, for example, took the extreme in the other direction and slept way too much nowadays, dropping out of college, falling behind in _life, _his dreams were his refuge. Reality as it now was, too painful to exist in for too long. Tristan partied it up, driving his motorcycle without a helmet, a new 'chick' every night, too much drinking to numb the pain.

If Yugi was still here, she often thought, he would fix this. He would drag Joey out of bed to duel for old time's sake, shame Tristan out of his self-destructiveness with his quiet innocence, make her stop working so damned hard and go have some fun.

_If Yugi was still here…_

But that was the point, wasn't it? He couldn't make everything okay, not anymore. Not when he'd left them all in the first place. Quiet as ever while he slipped away slowly, until in one final unseen moment his heart just stopped.

It felt wrong to outlive somebody as sweet, and pure, and just… beautiful as he was. It wasn't right that such goodness could die so young, that the world should so prematurely be robbed of one of its few real treasures. There was too much left for him to do, for _them _to do. They were all supposed to live out their days, best friends forever, facing each challenge encouraging and supporting each other. She was supposed to have three best men at her wedding instead of bridesmaids; her kids would have three honorary uncles.

None of this was fair. But then, life rarely was, as her father was so fond of reminding her all the time. Besides, it wasn't as though her ambitions for them all were realistic anyway, full as they were of youthful idealism and naivety. And yet, none of that mattered anymore. All she cared about was the fact that she'd never see his careful little smile anymore, his hopeful purple eyes, his crazy hair.

It had been a month and Téa still hadn't completely come to terms with that. Sometimes, ridiculous as she knew it was, she still expected to answer the phone and hear his voice or open the door and find him there. It was just like when Yami had finally left for good, except he didn't _die _like Yugi had. He'd just… gone home.

Yugi was never coming home.

Téa fought tears as the sun began to cast warm rays into her window, filtering through her blinds. She'd always hated crying, looking at life through tears, but as emotional as she was it became hard to contain her physical response to sorrow. It was strange really, given that like most dancers she had such remarkable control over her body.

Perhaps she wasn't as strong as she'd always thought. Maybe all her strength died with Yugi.

She wiped her eyes, trying to seal the flow of silent tears while she tore her gaze from the almost completely visible sun. Her alarm clock watched her from the bedside table, glowing red digits exclaiming that it was finally 6:00am.

Bolting from bed with no preamble or hesitation, Téa raced for the shower, eager to escape her nighttime solitude. Time to lose herself in the soon-to-be hectic day.

……………

Predictably, the apartment that Joey and Tristan shared was a disaster when Téa arrived later that morning. Every surface was littered with dishes, dirty laundry, take-out containers, Joey's video games, Tristan's tools - typical bachelor pad material really. Although with an air of melancholy that somehow made it appear less like a party house and more like the resting place of someone too despondent to care about dumb things like sanitation.

She'd just been in here two weeks ago cleaning obsessively until her muscles refused to press on; this was ridiculous. Although, a part of her _was_ pleased that the state of the place was so gross It would give her something to do on Saturday which would have otherwise been full of quiet, miserable reflection. A prospect that still didn't stop her from sighing as she stepped over a not entirely empty pizza box on the floor.

"Damnit, Wheeler!"

"What?"

Téa whirled to confront the source of the sudden voice and found Joey seated morosely on the futon in the main room, staring blankly at the TV. His shaggy blonde bangs fell messily into his eyes, the stubble on his chin was becoming a full-fledged beard, and was that the same ketchup stain she'd seen on that shirt three days ago?

"You're awake," she observed, more than a little surprised.

It was a rare occurrence to find him out of bed before late afternoon nowadays, and he didn't stay awake long either. She'd expected him to be passed out when she got there.

"Yeah well, I didn't get up at all yesterday so…"

She sighed, but bit back the reprimand on the tip of her tongue and sat next to him instead, holding out the paper bag she'd brought with her, "Have a bagel."

He didn't even glance away from the television. "Not hungry."

Téa narrowed her eyes at his lanky frame, he'd always been lean but he was looking pretty scrawny lately, "When was the last time you ate?"

"When was the last time you slept?" he countered, aimlessly flipping channels. His eyes were quiet, glassy and reflecting animated images from the screen he was fixated on.

"I think I caught about three hours last night," she honestly replied, "But that's completely besides the point. Now, I promised your sister when she went all the way across the country for college that I would look after you. That means making sure you don't waste away."

"I'm fine," he declared monotone, emotionless in a manner that reminded her vaguely of a certain CEO she knew.

"Come on, it's blueberry with cinnamon cream cheese – your favorite." Téa waved the bag under his nose enticingly.

He didn't react.

"Joey, you've lost weight."

"Hmm."

She sighed exasperated, "Would you just make my day and eat the stupid bagel?"

"Christ!" he finally turned from the tube, snatched his breakfast out of her hand, and irritably stuffed it in his mouth. "Better?"

"Much thanks," she replied falsely. "And don't give me that look either, I worry about you."

"You shouldn't," his eyes softened, "You look tired."

"Yeah well, that can't be helped." Téa looked pointedly around the disaster they sat in the middle of, "Unlike some things."

Joey actually had the grace to look embarrassed, "I know you just cleaned it a few weeks ago."

"You guys need to get your act together," she told him, "I mean this is just disgusting. And while we're on that topic, your shirt is filthy and you could use shower."

With a sigh of resignation he stood up, "Point taken."

"Well finish your food first," she wasn't about to let him off the hook in that respect.

"Fine."

"I have a couple hours before my first class, so I'll do a load of laundry and get some of this clutter out of the way."

"Téa, you really don't have to-,"

"Yeah," she cut him off and shot him a meaningful look, "I do."

Before Joey had a chance to respond, Tristan stumbled suddenly into the apartment, obviously hung-over and exhausted.

Téa advanced on him, "Where the hell have _you _been?"

He smelled of smoke and beer, his hair was an absolute mess, eyes bloodshot, "Out."

"And you took Joey's car?"

"The Harley," apparently he felt too shitty to string together a complete sentence.

"Then where's your helmet?"

He shrugged.

"_Tristan!_" She threw her hands up in exasperation, "Are you _trying _to get yourself killed? You know how stupid that is, what's wrong with you?"

"Look Téa," he began to brush past her, "I've had a rough night. I really don't need this right now okay?"

"Well that's just too damned bad, because you're going to get it," she grabbed hold of his arm before he could go any further, "Now listen very carefully, this past month has been hell for all of us and I'm not about to begrudge you your coping mechanisms. But… I just don't think I could survive if I lost you too, do you understand?"

He averted his gaze, "I…"

"_Look _at me," Téa shook his arm, "Do you _understand?_"

Something in her eyes must have revealed how desperate and scared she really was, since a moment later he appeared truly ashamed,

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she said, "Just wear a helmet. And Joey, you have to eat okay? I want you both alive, I _need _you guys to stay alive, that's all I'm asking. Okay? Can you do that?"

Tristan nodded tiredly, Joey muttered quietly that he'd try.

"Good."

An odd demand to be making, Téa knew, as if people could actually force themselves to live, like death was something that could be stopped. But she needed to hear it, had to believe that she could keep these two people she loved so much with her, here in this world, living and breathing.

Because if she lost one more, if they were taken from her too, there'd be nothing left to do but lay down right in the middle of this disaster she stood in, and never get up.

……………

_It's strange how the presence of the ones you love can change everything. The difference between standing in a vacant parking lot and a field of bright aromatic flowers. Each person you love in your life holds a piece of your heart, they live in that space, keep it functioning. _

_But then without warning, painfully, viciously one of them leaves. Did you know what you were taking with you when you went away? Does it keep you company wherever you are? I miss that part of myself, I miss what you took from the others, I miss you._

_We're not flowers anymore. We all just stand together, grey and sullen in a vacant lot, abandoned by sunlight, snubbed by the living and beautiful, waiting for you. The shadows meet us in your place, dark and cold, smirking while we try to find you through the blackness. _

_But you still don't come, and we wait alone. Together, but so alone._

……………

Homework was something Téa missed out on in college since she studied dance. It was a prestigious school of the arts she attended, some of the finest performers in the world instructing her and it was very demanding.

Daily practicing, running through endless routines, and clocking hours at the gym, she was kept very busy. But there was very little to get done by way of actual schoolwork, and she felt the absence of that which would have kept her brain occupied now that she so desperately needed it to be.

Still, she found things to keep her mentally engaged in her free time, and today's free period was spent in a cute little diner off campus perusing the classifieds. Joey wouldn't actively look for employment on his own, so she'd taken it upon herself to do it for him. After all, he still had bills to pay, and he certainly couldn't stay in bed forever. Besides that, Tristan wouldn't be able to afford the place himself once his roommate ran out of funds, so she was actually doing it for the both of them.

As it was, prospects were looking pretty bleak, but she supposed if worse came to worse, she could always get him a job at the restaurant she worked at. It was a classy, upscale place, but they were always hiring dishwashers and paid obscenely well for such an uncomplicated job. Working together would also give Téa a chance to keep an eye on Joey, make sure he didn't ditch shifts and get himself fired.

She folded up the paper and set it aside, resolving to speak to her boss on her next shift, and turned her attention to the now lukewarm coffee in front of her.

_What now? _

There had to be something else to do, some other problem to sort out, she couldn't be here alone with time to kill and nothing to focus on. The paper had a crossword, didn't it? She thought she'd seen one. It would keep her busy, she decided, already reaching for the discarded paper when a shadow fell over her table.

Téa looked up to find steady blue eyes calmly regarding her, heavily lashed pools of confident contemplation. Brown bangs cast shadows on the unfaltering gaze, lips full and frowning rested beneath it.

The young man was tall, strong and powerful standing over her with solid, tangible presence. She knew his posture was one designed for intimidation, but inexplicably his company made her feel safe.

She didn't know why, couldn't understand it, but Téa found herself smiling at him in a perfectly friendly manner. It wasn't just that she welcomed any distraction from her own bleak thoughts, it was something else. Like she'd needed _him _to be there out of anybody who might have chosen to approach her. Like somehow she had to be around so much self-assuredness, to see this impeccably dressed, clean cut, beautiful man stand there with all the answers.

Nothing made sense anymore when _Seto Kaiba_ was a sight for sore eyes.

They were never really friends, had been enemies once, and she'd barely even seen him after High School. After the days when _Duel Monsters _was a way of life, an activity that forced their paths to cross on so many occasions, the last time they'd spoken was Yugi's funeral.

She'd solemnly thanked him for coming, and he'd equally as solemnly acknowledged the terrible loss. Then Mokuba, who'd of course come with his brother, had thrown his arms around her and she burst into tears.

There were no tears in her eyes now, but Téa knew she looked sad and worn; she did own a mirror.

"Well hello Kaiba," she said finally after he still hadn't spoken, "What's new?"

"You're sitting at my table," he coolly informed her.

"Oh."

She glanced down to see him gripping his laptop, apparently prepared to work. It was odd to think of Kaiba coming to an insignificant diner often enough to have a table preference, but she supposed even guys like him needed a break from the office now and then. And this establishment did seem like a nice, quiet, retreat.

Still, she should have been offended by such rudeness; after all it wasn't as though he owned the place… that she knew of. Under different circumstances, she would have haughtily snapped back that she didn't see his name anywhere, she'd arrived first, and he'd just have to deal with it.

But that was the pre-tragedy Téa and as it was, she was too tired to argue over something that just wasn't worth it. What spunk she had left was needed elsewhere, in class and with Joey and Tristan. She didn't have it in her to put Kaiba in his place too.

"Sorry, I didn't know this spot was reserved," she apologized without a hint of sarcasm, and stood to hurriedly collect her things, "Have a nice lunch, or you know, whatever."

Kaiba's eyes widened at her unexpected compliance; he'd clearly been prepared to argue with her which made sense considering their past run-ins.

"Wait," his voice was low while his expression lost some of its hardness.

She had to tilt her head to look at him questioningly, tall as he was.

"You can stay," he told her evenly, face impassive, "There are two chairs."

"Um, yeah sure," it still struck her as bizarre, her desire to be near his solid presence, but Téa gratefully returned to her seat. "Thanks."

"Whatever," Kaiba didn't look at her as he sat down and opened his laptop, "Just don't bother me."

"Of course not," she sighed and picked up her paper again to settle down with the crossword.

They didn't speak after that, just sat together each in their own world, letting the quiet settle between them in a manner that was somehow comforting. Téa looked up from her task now and then to watch his brow crease ever-so-slightly while he worked. Occasionally he would bite his lip and his hands moved fluidly, strong and capable.

She'd glance away before he could catch her staring, but it wouldn't be long before she'd find her eyes drifting towards him again.

It wasn't that he was so fascinating; it was just this unshakable quality he possessed. She knew this man, so young, but without the doubt, insecurity, and dumb mistakes that came with youth. She'd seen him confident and unflinching against frightening and powerful foes. He was fearless, in control, and everything she was trying so unsuccessfully to be these days.

It was true she didn't much like the guy, but today he was her hero. To be around somebody who would never lay around despondently all day, or go partying like a crazy man each night, or be too afraid to sleep. Someone who wouldn't look at her with that pitying expression everyone had been giving her lately. Someone who could in her mind, stare down death and tell it to back off.

The waiter came and Téa asked for another espresso while Kaiba ordered his coffee black with three sugars. Then it was back to work, the CEO slipping easily into an intense state of concentration, eyes glued to his laptop. Téa wasn't nearly so focused on her crossword, attention divided between it and her companion, but she was still diverted enough which was all she really needed these days anyway.

She barely kept track of time as it passed, unwilling to return to the obligations that had been so appealing to her before. If she could just stay here, silent, mind full of young businessmen and words, problems temporarily discarded.

In actuality, it had been about twenty minutes before she broke the silence.

"What's a seven letter word for fatuous?" she asked in a gentle, raspy voice.

"Puerile," he replied without missing a beat.

"You didn't even have to think about that," she exclaimed with some surprise. The glancing back at the paper, "Oh, but it starts with an 'a' though."

"Asinine." His eyes were still fixed on his laptop screen.

"Perfect," she smiled faintly, "You really _are _a genius aren't you?"

"Mm," he typed a few words, "You're bothering me, Gardener."

"Am I?"

"You said you wouldn't."

"Sorry," she returned to her crossword, and filled in 36-across.

"I'm basically finished here," he told her, "I'll be leaving in a minute."

"Oh."

She didn't want him to go, didn't want to be away from him. It was stupid, she knew that, but now that she had a security blanket it was hard to part with. Strange that _Kaiba _should fill the role of said blanket… but then, Yugi had always liked him. Maybe it wasn't _so_ weird.

"Let me come with you," she blurted without thinking.

His eyes snapped away from the computer and rested on hers with penetrating suspicion. "What?"

"I… I don't think I can be alone right now," she admitted.

"So go be with your friends," he suggested.

"I can't."

He sighed with annoyance and studied her with narrowed eyes, "Why the hell not?"

A very good question - but how did she explain why he felt so safe to her as opposed to her friends who were too hard to be around when she was feeling this way? She couldn't face them again until she'd had a few more hours to regain strength.

"They're… I mean I love them so much, I'd do anything for them, and I need them, I do. But… but right now, I just need… you. I mean, I need to be near you. I don't know why."

Téa sighed, "I know it's insane, and we barely know each other and I can't even believe I'm saying all of this. But it's just been so long since I've felt so… _okay _you know?"

"Look," Kaiba snapped, "I don't have time to entertain a needy little emotional basket-case all day. Just because I let you sit here doesn't mean I want to be your _counselor _or worse, your _friend. _Find some other way to deal with your grief."

"No _you _look," she snapped back irritably, "I realize it's an insane request but I'm at the end of my rope here. Couldn't you just let me tag along for a few hours and prevent an emotional breakdown? I promise to be quiet and out of the way."

"You've lost it Gardener."

"Please?" she widened her already huge blue eyes, "Please just help me this once."

Snapping his laptop closed, Kaiba rose with uncanny grace and dignity, causing her to want to go with him that much more. He looked down at her with narrow-eyed annoyance.

"Just stay out of my way, and don't speak," he finally relented, "And try not to be so damned pathetic."

"I appreciate this."

He threw enough money on the table to cover both of them, and a sizable tip and turned for the door, "Let's go."

It didn't make sense, it was crazy, it couldn't be healthy, but Téa followed him anyway.

……………

_When you feel like you have nothing to lose, it's amazing the risks you will take. I've always been told I'm not careful enough, that my headstrong stubbornness will get me into trouble someday. You used to say that sometimes in your quiet, non-offensive way._

_But I'm already in trouble, I've already lost, my balance gone with you, with the sunlight and the flowers. There are replacements for the things you took, each of us left with these self-destructive behaviors that linger and mock us. They chip away at the goodness you brought to our lives, threaten to ruin your legacy._

_I don't want that, but I'm so scared, so cold. Can't I just sit by the fire for awhile if I promise not to get burnt, would that be so wrong? Can I hold onto this comforter, this blanket that soaks up my tears and chases away the chill? _

_I just want to know myself again, to live again… if danger makes you feel truly alive, can it really be so harmful? Or am I the one who's riding without a helmet now?_

_If I hang on tight, maybe this time I won't fall._

……………

_TBC…_


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes: _(May 20/05) _Just more revisions and editing. Chapter 3 should be out sometime in June. Thanks everyone!

……………

**Chapter 2**

……………

_People are always saying that life is full of surprises. What they don't include is that death is full of surprises too. Not what happens after death – the living can't come to any valid conclusions regarding that – but every little piece of it left to be picked up by those who are around it. _

_I was never told about all the shrapnel that would be flung at me after you died, projectiles I couldn't avoid. Why wasn't I cautioned to duck? They still hit me, all these little moments of quick, sudden pain, heart twisting, stomach dropping out of nowhere. _

_Then you learn things about yourself, things that death tells you where life would have kept it a secret, things death brings along when it shows up without warning. It carries a beam to shed light on all the shadowed areas of life that you'd never think to explore, and you realize what you've been missing. _

_I've learned from life, and now I've learned from death too. Unexpectedly, these experiences all weave themselves into your existence, defining who you are and shaping how everything ultimately appears to you. _

_And then there are people. I think it's people who end up surprising you the most._

……………

Téa had never realized how much she liked the color brown.

When referred to by name, it was a shade that always brought connotations that were dull and drab. Cardboard, for example, arguably the most boring substance on the planet was brown. Mud was brown.

Then there was Seto Kaiba. The rich brown of his hair, strands of chocolate, chestnut, and coffee interwoven to produce something entirely unique. Dusky brown made up his sleek office desk, dark and deep enough to fall only a few shades short of black. The leather couch in the corner on which she sat was warm brown, soft, safe cinnamon molding to her tired body.

She liked it here in his office, surrounded by all that was modern, expensive, and tasteful. State-of-the-art technology decorated the classic desk. The walls were the color of desert sand, the furniture mellow and inviting. It smelled of leather, coffee, and Kaiba's cologne, the lighting was even and natural.

And there was the activity. His voice, low, but sharp, stern, and commanding responded to the recurrent chiming of the phone. The occasional tapping of keys on the keyboard was heard, or clicking of the mouse at his computer.

His secretary, professional but with a sweet appearance raced in periodically with faxes, and messages, and energy, ticking heels muffled by the coal-colored carpet. Her voice would mingle with his, soft and lilting against his deep and solid.

Not a word passed between Téa and Kaiba, the former content to observe and absorb, keeping her promise to stay out of the way. The latter was too busy to engage her, and apparently determined to make his displeasure known; for while he didn't talk to her, he'd intermittently scowl in her general direction.

She watched him, taking in every action, every subtle nuance and remote act that collaborated to produce this complex man. Each motion was fluid and deliberate with him, there were no nervous ticks or absent movements.

He reminded her oddly of the ballet instructors she was around all day with each muscle under their control, moving with grace that was born of strength rather than delicacy. That she could see something of herself - the dancer - in him was strange but she knew their similarities were limited.

Dancers would fall and stumble from time to time; they'd go home, take down their hair and wash off their intricate make-up, and burn dinner. Kaiba seemed to have complete unfaltering control of every aspect of his life, from his muscles to his emotions to his associations with people.

How could he be so strong and in charge, so full of knowledge and strategy at not quite 20?

She wondered, and watched, and then let her attention drift to the book she'd found on his desk – a collection of scientific articles debunking so-called 'paranormal phenomenon.' It was interesting, but she couldn't get pulled in completely. While she read, Kaiba's presence lingered in the background like soft music, gently tugging at the edges of her consciousness.

Eventually, Téa set the journal aside and sank back into snug leather cushions, closing her eyes, listening, smelling and feeling everything around her. She let Kaiba, intimidating, arrogant, powerful _Kaiba _soothe her just by existing in the same space as her, steady and confident.

Lulled by the surroundings, her exhausted body, and worried, bereaved mind, finally succumbed to sleep.

……………

It wasn't until shadows began to fall across his office, that Seto finally called it a day. His secretary and most of the other staff had already gone home, and Mokuba had at least hoped to have a late dessert with him tonight if he couldn't make dinner.

He rose from his chair in one fluid motion and packed up his laptop to take home with him. Then he looked over to the leather couch in the corner and the crumpled form of the girl who'd occupied the space for hours. He had noticed the exact moment when she fell asleep. In tune with the atmosphere of the room, it had seemed to almost _shift _when she drifted out of consciousness.

That had been four hours ago and she'd hardly moved since aside from the slightest adjustments of position and her even, shallow breathing.

Kaiba supposed he'd have to wake her; it didn't seem as though she intended to rise any time soon and he couldn't just leave her here. Plus she'd probably need a ride home or somewhere equally as inconvenient to him, but then that's what he got for agreeing to such an outlandish request to begin with. He should have known better, he _did _know better but somehow, for some reason he couldn't even decipher himself, he'd relented.

This annoyed the young CEO to no end. He did everything for a reason, each move was calculated, actions planned, plotted, and smoothly executed. It was beyond disconcerting to find himself doing something he could provide no explanation for. To let himself be coerced and manipulated by the saddest pair of large blue eyes he'd ever seen. Eyes that every other time he'd seen them were sparkling, vivid, bright blue, and were now a still-lovely smoky shade resembling a stormy sky.

He wondered absently if she would ever reclaim that spark that used to make her eyes glitter so, that swing in her step, bounce in her hair. It was a thought that really had no emotional investment but was rather simple, almost clinical curiosity.

Seto approached her quietly and as he drew near, couldn't help but notice how vulnerable Téa looked at rest. She was positioned with her back against the sofa, arms wrapped around her stomach and long, lithe legs drawn in towards her as though she was scared and defensive.

Her brow was slightly creased and her parted pink lips turned downwards in a slight frown. She was so pale, ivory skin marred only by the black eyelashes brushing her cheeks. Silky brunette locks were spread out on the leather cushion she was using as a pillow, surrounding her face a dark halo.

She appeared oddly angelic; wistful, feminine beauty like a painting in a cathedral, and it felt almost… sacrilegious to disturb such a picture.

He finally stood before her, throwing a shadow over her serene form. Téa's frown deepened in her sleep, an unconscious response as though she knew what was coming and didn't want to return to the waking world just yet.

She shifted so she was pressed more firmly against the couch, a soft, almost inaudible whimper escaping her lips. The sound grabbed hold of something inside him, and for one fleeting moment Seto felt an overwhelming need to protect her.

It sent him reeling. Where the _hell _had that come from? How could the simple sight of a sleeping girl trigger such a strong emotional response in the young man who was defined by his tightly reigned emotions? He barely knew the girl, didn't even like her, and yet something about her in this exact moment, frail and asleep, and alone, got to him.

He didn't like this. Too many questions he could find no answers for, too many moments of weakness, and all because of _her. _Seto brushed off the feeling, temporary as it was now that his brain had resumed functioning properly. It was ridiculous he knew; she was not an angel or a work of art, but a young, flawed, peculiar 19-year-old girl who drew contentment of some sort just from being near him. Who'd pathetically _begged _just to be in the same room as him.

With a scowl that was almost trademark, Kaiba kneeled before the couch and shook Téa's shoulder in a gentle, but decidedly businesslike manner.

"Wake up Gardener."

"Yugi…" she murmured softly as she roused.

He was prepared for the twinge of sympathy and protectiveness this time, but he still didn't like it. In fact, it bothered him that much _more. _

"Gardener!"

Her eyes opened, blinking rapidly to chase away the lingering visions of her dreams.

"Kaiba?" her voice was quiet, raspy perplexity, "What time is it?"

"A little after six," he crisply informed her, "You've been asleep since two."

"Oh," she sat up, stretching smoothly, "I was so tired."

"Yes, I noticed."

"I can't believe I skipped all my afternoon classes," she continued groggily. Then she looked up at him, meeting his gaze with eyes that were clearer now, bluer, and less dull than they'd been earlier that afternoon, "Thank you, Kaiba. I can't tell you how much I needed this."

"Sleep?" he raised an eyebrow, "I'd think you could have just as easily gotten that at home."

"You'd think," she agreed. "But lately it's been kind of absent. I think maybe Joey stole it."

Her smile was wan and lifeless as though the inside joke she was sharing with herself wasn't the 'ha-ha' kind of funny. She looked sad, still tired – an emotional fatigue that no amount of sleep could cure.

_Lately_, she'd said that sleep had abandoned her. It didn't take a genius (which Seto incidentally was) to crack that code and realize the generalization encompassed all the time since Yugi passed away.

It wasn't hard, even for someone like him, to feel sorry for her. He had always respected Yugi Mouto, even grown to like him at some point, and was genuinely sorry when the boy had died. But Kaiba hadn't shared the intense connection, unbreakable friendship, and unconditional love he'd had with Téa and the other two guys that formed the core of their often-changing group.

To Téa the loss was great and he imagined she must feel something akin to what he would feel if he lost Mokuba. He didn't even like to _think _about such a devastating tragedy.

"Come on," he rose from his kneeling position and indicated with his eyes that she should do the same, "I'll take you home."

"Actually, my car is a lot closer," she told him, "If you could just take me to it, I can drive home."

"Fine," turning on his heel he moved towards his office door prompting her to follow.

Téa struggled to keep up with his brisk pace while he walked quickly towards the elevator, her limbs clearly still boneless after being at rest for so long. But she recovered quickly and was already by his side once he stopped to hit the down button.

In spite of the 72 floors they had to pass on the way down it didn't take long for them to reach the main lobby and the limo waiting outside immediately after. Seto informed the driver of the detour they'd be taking on the way to the mansion and Téa politely gave him directions to her college campus where she'd parked her car in the student lot.

Once they were on the road, she fixed her eyes on him like she had so many times throughout the day when she thought he hadn't noticed. He didn't know why he should be an object of such interest to the girl, why she gravitated towards him.

All the times he'd encountered her before she was courteous at best and outright insulting on other occasions. There was never any real camaraderie between them and she'd never expressed any desire to change that.

But today was different, _she _was different. Pale, tired, and sad-eyed, oddly… resigned for somebody so young. Like she'd seen a terrible vision of her future and had accepted it without protest. But her eyes had brightened slightly, demeanor relaxed subtly when she had seen _him_. It wasn't even that she was fixated on him out of attraction or desire; that was something he dealt with all the time from various women and could understand.

_This_, on the other hand, was something else entirely. She did not look at him with lust; there was no flirting, seduction attempts, or nervous blushing. She didn't try to engage him in idle banter, or initiate physical contact of any kind, or drop hints. He wasn't expected to entertain her, or talk to her, or even _look_ at her. She wanted nothing from him but his presence, and in it found some kind of solace.

Seto Kaiba was not accustomed to people other than Mokuba feeling comfortable with him; his vibe was one that set people on edge. He preferred it that way. Why now after all this time should he be a source of… was it _safety _for her?

"You're watching me," he said finally when his confusion had reached its peak. He did not like feeling confused.

"Does that bother you?"

He turned to meet her eyes, "Why do you do it?"

She glanced over his shoulder while she considered it, then met his gaze again, "I suppose it's because everything else is transparent."

"Everything else," Kaiba noted, familiar with being looked at separately but not for these reasons whatever they were.

"Except you," she said with a nod. "I can't see through you."

He was silent for a moment, absorbing this before he decided the explanation wasn't adequate enough. Yes, he understood what she was saying, but it was too vague. He needed specifics.

Not that he would ask for them of course lest she start asking questions of her own. But if he did ask she would tell him, he was sure of it. The girl was guileless, had no apparent reasons or inclinations to lie. She really _was _quite peculiar.

"I was wondering…" she began in a voice he might classify as timid, had he thought Téa was capable of such an emotion.

But if there was anything she was and had always been it was brave. Even if she didn't know it.

"Yes?"

"Why did you let me stay with you all afternoon?" she asked steadily, eyes probing his.

"You asked me."

She smiled at that, "Since when does Seto Kaiba do something just because it was asked of him?"

"Since today."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons," he said curtly indicating the end of the interrogation. He wasn't used to having to explain his actions and he didn't appreciate it. Especially since he didn't even have a logical answer. "Does it matter?"

"No," she finally took her eyes off of him and fixed them somewhere out the window, her expression wistful, "I suppose it doesn't."

It was silent for a moment, Téa watching the world pass by out the window, Seto watching her. He didn't even realize until she glanced back at him that he'd been staring, their recent roles so quickly reversed. He'd been studying her waiting for a glimpse into her motivations, some clue to why she was here.

"Have you ever noticed how busy it is out there?" she asked suddenly, but in the same quiet tone she'd employed since she woke so the interruption wasn't jarring. "Not just literally but… I mean, every single person you pass in a crowd, or buy coffee from, or wait with for the bus. Each of them exists in their very own world, they live because of these intricate threads crisscrossed together, intertwined with every loved one, every passion, and it just holds your existence. These thin little threads…"

"No," Kaiba was deadpan after such a speech, "I haven't noticed."

"Neither did I," she admitted wistful smile intact, "I never used to obsessively analyze all these things. But you'd be amazed what you can come up with when you're up all night with no company but your own thoughts."

"Hmm," he looked away.

Why did she feel the need to share all of this with him?

"I'm bothering you again," she observed. "Sorry for getting all 'doctor/patient' with you, I know you couldn't possibly care."

He nodded in agreement ignoring the small, insignificant part of him that protested.

Seconds later, the limo smoothly stopped in a large, empty parking lot next to a small, worse-for-the-wear red car which was apparently Téa's. This was where she got off, her next stop unknown, but for Kaiba a definite relief.

Once she was gone the aberrant portion of his day would leave too. It was this hazy, surreal quality she carried with her, sifting into his mind as though he was awake and dreaming. It provoked actions and feelings that would have otherwise remained dormant, tapped into things reserved only for Mokuba, and other things that weren't. He hoped whatever this… _atmosphere _was would dissipate when she stepped out of his car, that things would return to normal.

"Kaiba," she caught his attention once more, holding out her hand as a silent invitation for him to shake it.

It was a weird gesture, as though they were about to close a deal or agree to a bet of some sort, but he found himself reaching out anyway.

When his hand clasped hers however, she didn't shake it choosing to instead hold it. Her grip was light and delicate, pale fingers caressing his palm, cradling the firm digits that dwarfed hers. It was rather intimate actually.

"I won't forget this," she told him softly, "Thank you."

He didn't know what to say, staring back at this girl who acted like he'd just given her some precious gift by simply letting her be around him. He didn't even _do _anything, wasn't even attentive, or nice, or engaging. What was _with _her?

She didn't even expect anything now it seemed. No "You're welcome," or "Goodnight," required. She accepted his silence and smiled gratefully one more time before she finally left the car. Subtly, quietly, she just slipped into the waning daylight and approached her vehicle with faint footfalls.

Seto watched while the limo gained distance, until Téa and the red car disappeared from his sight before settling back into his seat. She was finally, mercifully gone.

But things would not return to normal and her presence, like sweet perfume, lingered in her wake.

……………

_There are moments when I am hollow and voiceless. My whole being feels transparent, weightless; anyone could walk right through me and continue on their way unhindered. I could stand in the middle of the street and scream as loud as my lungs would allow, and it wouldn't make the slightest dent on the overpowering noise. I blow kisses, and they wander aimlessly in the air around me before falling to the ground._

_Then there are the times when I am the only one who is solid, everyone and everything else, an elaborate mirage. Vivid, but false, they exist but I can't touch them, I reach out and they disappear. Solitary, I wander, letting the muffled sounds echo around me while people drift by like fog. _

_I'm alone either way, powerless, unnoticed, can you exist if nobody else sees you? _

_Of course sometimes, just when you think you could fall away, simply disappear from the world, someone does see you. It's only one set of eyes, one hand extended to pull you out of the water. But the grip is solid, it saves you, carries you back into life, and it's enough. _

_It's not everything, not even close, but it's enough._

……………

The first coherent thought Téa remembered in the swirl of chaotic emotion when she was delivered _the news _was a sudden flash of overwhelming concern.

Death was singular, something everybody had to go through alone. You couldn't take your friends with you for encouragement and support; there was no room for company. Poor Yugi, so small and sweet having to face it all alone, she'd realized. Somewhere she couldn't reach him and with nobody to look after him.

It wasn't until much later that she started feeling afraid for herself living in a world he wasn't a part of anymore. She had Tristan and Joey still and they had her, but they weren't complete anymore. Things they'd always been to her, that she still needed them to be had left, ran away to an unseen graveyard of their own.

Her parents were a phone-call away, arms wide open, loving and solid. But the physical distance took time to bridge; they'd moved to another city after Téa left for college. They weren't around to look after her anymore, the role falling to herself now that she was an adult.

She filled it well enough, paying for her own one-bedroom little apartment with tips from her serving job. She budgeted well, conserved electricity, and even had enough to afford her rickety car. She went to her classes, practiced diligently, paid the bills on time, looked after her friends, never missed a shift at work. She was responsible, together, and it had never been a burden before.

Until she finally discovered just how scary life really was.

But tonight was different. Kaiba had given her a gift whether he knew it or not, he was a reservoir she drank from. He was life that did not fall apart and control that did not slip away.

Téa wasn't about to waste it, she decided when she got into her own car. She would not go home to her empty little apartment and bed she couldn't sleep in. She couldn't spend this currency on herself and practice her routines or work out at the gym. It had to be spread around, shared with those she loved.

It didn't take long to reach Tristan and Joey's apartment; rush hour was over and she could navigate her way there with her eyes closed.

The place was still a mess when she arrived, slightly cleaner from her efforts that morning, but there was still a lot left to do to have it looking presentable. She was determined to take care of that the second she got a chance but for now it could wait.

A shirtless Tristan greeted her when she walked in, apparently fresh from the shower if his wet hair and glowing skin was any indication. His coveralls were draped over the couch she noticed, stained with grease from a day at the Auto-Body shop he worked at.

"Short shift today?" she asked casually. He'd been sleeping when she left that morning, so he probably only worked for a few hours that afternoon.

"I took a half day," he replied mildly slipping a pale blue shirt over his broad shoulders, but not before Téa could spot something on his back.

"Hey, wait." She stepped forward to grab his hands before he could start working on the buttons, "Take the shirt off."

"Wow," he raised his eyebrows, "I can't say I'm not tempted, Téa but don't you think there are some lines friends should never cross?"

There was something in his tone, that flirty, teasing note she hadn't heard for what felt like way too long. A bit of the old Tristan rekindled for one moment of wonderful, familiar, normalcy. It made her smile.

"You wish I'd _cross lines _with you," she teased back, "Now come on. Shirt."

"So bossy," he muttered but pulled the material away from his well-sculpted torso once more, "Happy?"

"We'll see," she circled around him to study whatever it was that marred the skin of his back, "Oh."

A tattoo the size of her fist rested between his shoulder blades, intricately designed and significant. It was a perfect replica of The Dark Magician from the _Duel Monsters _deck, the card that had always been Yugi's favorite. The sight immediately extinguished the good mood between them, water poured on fire.

"Oh Tristan," she said sadly, brushing her fingers over the permanent tribute to their friend, "When did you get this?"

"A couple of weeks ago," he muttered, despondent tone mirroring her own.

Téa fought back the sudden ambush of tears, fresh mourning for the departed and the happiness that seemed to be so out of reach. Did she actually just forget for a moment, a single, normal moment that he was gone?

"It's perfect," she told the friend that was here, alive and real. Putting her arms around him, she pulled him close, burying her face in the shoulder she just barely reached, "Just perfect."

"I miss him," Tristan whispered against her hair. She felt his heart beating - comforting evidence that he still existed, warm and breathing, within her reach.

"So do I," Téa told him, visions of shy smiles, hopeful violet eyes, and hair that defied gravity filling her mind. She could still hear his laughter, his soft, caring voice. She wished he was here.

After what felt like an eternity of stillness, sorrow, and missing him together, they let go of each other. It was a different kind of normal settling around them now, the post-Yugi melancholy normal that made everything colorless and empty.

Tristan reached for his shirt, Téa surreptitiously wiped at her eyes. He was going to go somewhere she knew, he was always going somewhere these days, out and about where she couldn't see him, couldn't protect him. What if he didn't come home? Something could happen and she'd never see him again.

"Don't go out tonight," she blurted, watching him with wide, pleading eyes. "I mean, not alone. I actually did come here to get you guys to go out somewhere, but with me."

Tristan hesitated at the last button of his shirt, studying her, golden-brown eyes contemplating, "Just us, huh?"

"Just us," she confirmed, "As soon as I wake Joey of course."

"I'm awake," a groggy, disheveled figure appeared suddenly in the doorway of one of the bedrooms, beckoned by their steady voices. "But I don't really want to go anywhere."

"You're coming anyway," Téa was firm while she snatched a clean shirt from the laundry basket Tristan had retrieved his from and tossed it at her other friend. "We're all going to abandon our fear and reticence and wildness to mingle with the mainstream. We're going to let life go on for a little while and we're going to do it together because we're all we have."

"Téa," Joey stared at the shirt as though he didn't know what to do with it, "It's too soon."

"No," she disagreed, "It's too _late. _We can't change what happened, there's no way to fix it. But we can _try_ to be okay, we can lean on each other."

She stared them down, pinning each argument to the floor with her determined blue eyes. There was no way she would lose this match, resolved as she was to keep Tristan from his recklessness and Joey from his bed. She wanted them out of this dismal, dirty apartment and with her in the fresh, open air. She wanted them all to get better.

"I'm in," Tristan said quietly, the first to crumble under her steadfast and earnest silent pleading.

Téa smiled at him, relieved, before turning back to the young man in the doorway.

"Joey?"

He put the shirt on.

……………

_The scariest part about losing the sun is the darkness that takes its place. You walk under a black sky and innocence becomes threatening, intentions are obscured, danger lurks. Warmth doesn't exist long in the night; it brings a chill that chases it all away._

_But there is never absolute darkness, we are not completely abandoned. If you just look to the murky sky and wait… the stars come out. _

……………


End file.
